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[queenrikki]

It's strange knowing that my mother is dead. I had always thought that when she died that it would be like a meteor struck my world, but everything has been strangely normal. I feel a little guilty about that. I think that it should feel worse than this. Maybe it hasn't really sunk in that she's gone. I'm not looking forward to the funeral. I was hoping that she would be cremated. Actually, she told my grandmother that was what she wanted, but my grandmother ignored it. That bothers me. She's forcing her own wishes onto the arrangements, rather than honoring what my mum would have wanted. But that's the kind of person she is and she's always been that way, it's just that I wish for once that she would consider the idea that other people can make their own decisions.

Comments

[authenticjoy.livejournal.com]

It will feel like that for a while. Things will feel completely normal. For me it was like she was still there. I found myself thinking she was "just away for the weekend". Often I answered the phone thinking that it would be her to tell me she was ready for me to come and pick her up at one of her sister's houses and bring her home. (She was sick and lived with my husband and myself.)

It's been a couple of years since my Mom died and I still miss her. I don't think it ever goes away completely. I don't think I want it to. Not really. That would mean that all my memories of her went away too - I don't want that, you know?

People ignored my Mom's wishes to be creamated as well. The situation was a bit different. Your mom was a lot younger than mine. (I am only a little younger than your mom, IIRC.) My mom caved in at the last minute to pressure from all of her siblings and my brother, so she told me that she changed her mind about it. I gave in too. It sucks, but there ya go, ya know?

Take care and hang in there. I know how you are feeling.